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Jim Sterling
Jim Sterling '''(legal name James Nicholas Stanton) was the host of New Podtoid (Podtoid Era 8), ex-reviews editor at Destructoid, reviews editor at The Escapist, member of The Dismal Jesters and host of The Jimquisition, head of Konami's PR, apathetasexual Ekans enthusiast, The Solidus Snake of Games Journalism and a proud owner of Alien 2: On Earth on Blu-Ray and author of The Jimstitution. Thank God for him! Jim continues his Podtoid legacy on The Dismal Jesters, the spiritual successor to Podtoid Era 8. Jim as a Person Jim has been a pushing force when it comes to enriching Jonathan Holmes' life by giving him a bunch of ideas and marketing concepts, such as JonCon. It is a well-known fact amongst Podtoid listeners that Jim exists to enhance Holmes' life, having said he has finished with his own. Also, he is not a racist, only sexist. He also loves to be asked Whens Podtoid? Jim as a Lord of Decadence With the illustrious Lord of Decadence Max Scoville, following a conversation (Podtoid 160) about the rather trite game "Send in Jimmy", both fine fellows decided that they would become decadently foppish lords, much to Holmes' later apparent delight. Such ideas that were spawned by the men involved them having "weird sex" using "The Jimmy" (later revealed to be a giant gilded, conflict diamond encrusted dildo mounted upon wheels). "The Lust Gurney" (a means of transport in the style of a gurney that allows sexual promiscuity), and an Ostrich's head. Furthermore, and as Scoville and his foppish co-host, Scott Bromley, would expound upon the myriad of duties such an individual would have in their podcast The Comedy Button, namely animal and peasantry abuse. As such, Sterling and Scoville saw to it that a Puerto Rican boy would have rubies poured down his throat and that an ostrich would be harmed. Jim's persona as a Lord of Decadence later showed up in Episode 254: A Cup of Blanka's Sperm, reclining upon his lust gurney as he commanded the Xbox One to entertain him. This time, Conrad Zimmerman joined him as a fellow lord. The lords of decadence remind Johnny Holmes of the harpies from Clash of the Titans. Jim as a God On December 24th 2012, Jim declared, "There is no Christ, I am your Christ now!" on The Jimquisition. After dealing with a small amount of resistance from his more religious fans in the comment section of the video and later on Twitter, Jim managed to cement himself in his new role and is now considered the Messiah by most Podtoid/Jimquisition fans. Jim as a Musical Wonder Jim has taken the occasion to sing plenty of times, but sometimes he actually releases full songs. *"All I Want For Christmas is You"' (Destructoid Annual Christmas Album 2010 - 2010) *'"Mommy's Not Moving"' (Destructoid Annual Christmas Album 2011 - 2011) *'"Talking to Women about Videogames"' (Talking to Women about Videogames: The Album - 2012) *'"Epic Hole (B Mine Cliffy)"' (Thank God For Me! Jim Sterling sings with The Greats - 2013) Jim as a Spirit Medium On multiple occasions, Jim has mentioned ghosts that haunt podtoid. These being the Ghost of Commodore 64, Mirian & Giles De Ponsunlorde and other ghosts in general. During Podtoid 225, Jim Sterlling acted as a medium for Mirian & Giles De Ponsunlorde, the ghosts of the original hosts of Podtoid from the Victorian era. The "Double Ghost" then spoke through him to Jonathan Holmes. It is unclear whether Jim has the ability to communicate with ghosts or succubi/incubi that haunt Jonathan Holmes. Jim as a Reviewer The best things in life for Jim (outside of Jonathan Holmes) come down to entertainment media, a fact that Jonathan has openly mocked him for on Podtoid, much to Jim's distaste. He gave [[videogames|videogame '''Deadly Premonition']] a perfect 10/10 and had that score put on the European cover art. He also likes Saria's Song and gave the''' Zelda 25th Anniversary Music CD''' a perfect score for that track only. He's also horribly biased and all his scores are paid for by Activision and EA. Fucking Fat Tits. His spiteful review of Assassin's Creed 2, which he gave 4.5/10, had a devastating effect on the reputation of the title. So much so, that it sold a measly 12 copies in its first month of release and can now be purchased brand new from most establishments in exchange for a half-eaten tube of Pringles. As a result of this, Sterling is loathed in the nation of France. Even to the extent that the Prime Minister (Jean-Marc Ayrault) described him as a "fucking bucket of dog cum". He was banished from Europe a few months after the review was published. Jim announced his leave from Destructoid on 1st November 2013. He has worked on the site since 13th May 2007, working for 6 years, 5 months and 20 days. His work with Destructoid is not yet complete however, as he still has one review yet to publish: Call Of Duty Ghosts. Jim's Early Work Around 2002 Jim started a website with his friend Leo VK called Noteworthy Notions on the website creation platform Angelfire. It was intended as a song review site, with Jim and Leo going by their legal names. It featured reviews of various Electric Light Orchestra and Pulp albums, and as of 2013 it is still available for viewing. Aliases *The Ekans Guy *Sim Jterling *Timotei, Son of Oil of Ulay *Fat Tits *Trench Bloat *The Neptune of Video Games *Chungus *Radical Awesome *TPL (The Perfect Lifeform) *Christ (aka. God, aka. Yahweh) *Jimothy C. Sterling *Master Blaster *Rory Fingers *Virgillio Armarndio *Jam Storling *The New Gallagher *Professor Grumbleticklish *Jim Scareling *Bram Helsing *J. Jonah Jameson *The Lord Humongous *The Mysterio of Videogames *Banus *The Morrissey of Videogames *Dream Merchant *Muscle Bastard *Muscles Lundgren *Jim Silver *Henrietta Bulgus *Cunt *General Don't-Do-a-Drug *Dr. Jim Sterling: Medicine Woman *The Most Popular Doctor in the Eastern Seaboard *Muscles Lundgrand Mahoy *Shankley Masterson *The Candyman of Podtoid *The Enya of Podtoid *Dr Cocktopus *Chickenscratch O'Hoolihan *Vagina Warrior *Fatty Boom-Boom *Jimquisition *Dr. Love *Fatt Borealis *Jimbalaya *Jim Fucking Sterling Son Quotes *"Thank God for me." *"Right, that's enough of that bollocks." *"And hear me out..." *"Right, Jonathan Holmes, I'm gonna fuck you so hard in the arse, you have no idea." *"At a guess, how many inches away from your crotch do you think your testicles descend?" *"Fuck off, Amy! Sterling never forgets..." *"I'm not being racist, I'm just judging you by the colour of your skin." *"Grayskull good..." *"I NEED A MONSTAH TO CLOBBAH DAT DARE KIRBEH!" *"Now hear me out, Jonathan..." *"Only joking, I'm not really Lionel Richie." *"There is literally no good reason why..." *"That's just simple math. That's not even me saying it." *"I think my balls are here!" *"Silver clouds, raining smiles onto a baby's..dick.." *"I'll fuck you so hard that by the end of it you'll believe in nothing" *"MAH LURPS ARE SEALED!" *"Stop touching Velcro, you and I will be doing something with Velcro later on." *"I was gonna crack open another Monster Energy drink..." *"I don't eat a lot, but when I do eat, it's a roman extravagance." *"I can go a day without eating, but I will still drink a Monster Energy. *"And that's the problem, well it's not a problem because it's so great, but it's still a problem." *"I hate Mexicans and blacks, if I had the chance I would wipe them all out." *"I am gonna go to Boston..." *"They've gotta be gay dogs." *"A fussy zoophile, that pisses me off! An arrogant dogfucker..." *"If I gained a pound for every pound of fat I have, I'll be just as fat." *"WHAT CAN DO WITH HAND!? HIDE FACE!" *"Kind of painted myself into a corner with that.." *"Nobody would tap a downer." *"I want to sex you like a Sega Genesis" *"Maybe we should move into cum snorting" *"I'd like to fill your ass with problems!" *"Get your shit together, Pet Shop Boys!" *"Free speech! Free speech! You can't stop us now!" *"This pickaxe is a USB stick..." *"Lucky'd better watch out. If you're listening, Lucky. I might do a poop on you." *"There is a lot of negative space and I like to cram it with as much material as possible." *"Oh Jonathan I can't get enough of your yarn. Your sexy yarn. You yarn-bitch." *"Its alright, we've given it injections!" *"Every time you cum it goes through reality." *"I don't want cum tributes, Jonathan! And I feel ill." *"I don't wanna say economic collapse... implosion sounds nicer." *"Anal, The Passing Trifle." *"It's not stopped me before has it Scoops-A-Baby?" *"I don't think there's anything wrong about fucking a jar of your own shit and blood." *"I know it's spelled like 'chicken', but it's pronounced 'ballsack'!" *"♫Put on your chainmail tank top, Jonathan it's the medievil times!♫" *"That sounds gorgeous. That sounds like a sprite falling down a golden pipe into the mouth of an elegant lady. Welcome to Podtoid." *"I'm not sick any more! And GOD DAMN it, Jonathan Holmes there's two weeks of pent-up erotic energy coursing through my fatty reserves, waiting to explode all over your throat!" *"Ejaculating it's filthy deposits into your mouth. And you've gotta KEEP it there, keep it warm and fresh and run to the lab and spit it out in to a test tube. And then you put a cork in it and say 'Through this he'll live forever!'. And then you just put it on a red velvet cushion and leave it there." *"If those shitheads IGN can do it, why can't we?" Known Locations *Jonathan Holmes *Jonathan Holmes´ bedroom *Jonathan Holmes' bathroom *Roaming the moors of Scotland *Boston (Which is also Jonathan Holmes´ bedroom) *Baltimore *Mississippi or "Shittyshitty" *The Batcave How To Be Jim Sterling *1. Wank a lot. *2. Eat 10 Apple turnovers. *3. Thank God for yourself. Sterling/Milk 2016 Jim Sterling is running with Milk (Dairy Product) in the US Presidential Election coming in 2016. Main article: Sterling Milk 2016. Jim's Penis Considered to be the snake that wraps itself around Yggdrasil, Jim's penis is large by any measure, and is said to be as wide as a redwood. His trouser serpent is said to have gotten a huge boner when Aliens Colonial Marines came out, the result was a covering of Destructoid in his spunk of Aliens stories that lasted on the site for days. Due to its massive size, Jim's penis requires constant attention from Jonathan Holmes' anus. His Brother's Rape Jim is a survivor of his brother's rape. In Podtoid 135: This part goes in here, it was revealed that when he was 15 years of age Jim's brother Michael Mason had sex with "some 45 year old slosh-bag from Woolwich", which under UK law is known as Statutory Rape. Jim was horrified by this, and instantly began work on the best selling biography; "Raped in Woolwich: Slosh-bags I Have Known ". From then on, Jim will reply to any harsh or negative comments with "can you be sensitive please, because I am the victim of my brother's rape!". Pictures Js.jpg Walk away.jpg JIMDSTRCTDWIN.png Bram Helsing.jpg Jim.jpeg J2.jpg 01-620x.jpg A.jpg jim sterling birthday.jpg jim_sterling_vs_megaman_by_mrnorth-d422ujd.png aliens_vs_jim_sterling_by_mrnorth-d4ktsl3.png DocCock.png JimFemale.png TJlbr.png Images.jpg Jj.jpg|jim and his bestfriend/lover jonathan Jimwag.gif|Saria's Song. 10/10 keiw5c.gif|Jim with his waifu Links *Jim's Twitter Category:Enriching Holmes' Life Category:New Podtoid Category:Old Podtoid Category:Old Podtoid Cast Category:New Podtoid Cast Category:Podcastle Cast